anthillz

I’m in church this morning, third row back because it sticks out a little bit more and my dad wants to sit in a seat that doesn’t have a pew right in front if it because, like me, he is a tall motherfucker. My mom is the usher so it’s not hard to get that seat. I have just seen some good old friends who were at the 6am service (the service for people who go to church even not on Easter) and the back of the pew hurts my back. The guy next to me smells old. It’s all very boring and I have plenty of time to let my mind wander.
Easter is sort of the event that defines Christianity. The problem is I’m not sure how much I buy into it. It always seemed like the weakest story of all in Sunday school to me. So Jesus is dead, they put him in a tomb, they check the tomb later and he’s gone. He rose from the dead! Not exactly the most parsimonious explanation. The whole story should be a Misfits song. Let’s face it, most of Easter is just dealing with people’s fear of death.
There is a bell choir that sounds nice, a lot of stay at home mom types and one girl who’s probably 16. I wonder how well she gets along with other 16 year olds. She is probably the best person in there too, and I think that’s kind of cool even if playing bells isn’t that cool. Her dad owns a funeral home. I think they live there. On the high end and right above the low end it’s clear that they put the people who don’t really know what they’re doing because that’s where all the mistakes keep coming from even though they don’t play most of the time. Some of them look nervous. It’s Easter they have to impress, I guess it’s understandable.
Here is the order of church. Every time. Intro, Talk, More filler, Song, Filler, Children’s sermon. Now this should be about the halfway point and it usually is as far as number of events but I never take into account that the sermon takes 10 times as long as anything else so I think I’m in the home stretch when really I’ve only made it through the first third. So they get all the kids off to Sunday School, filler, offering, filler, some bible quotes then the sermon then some filler then go home.
Yeah sermons have to be good public speaking. I can respect that. However, they almost always lose me very quickly with boring anecdotes and down talking morals. When a person is giving a sermon they seem like a politician vying for my faith.
I think an exact quote from the sermon was “Life triumphs over death, love triumphs over hate, good triumphs over evil.” The fact is everybody dies. It shouldn’t be associated with hate and evil or even paralleled. Death isn’t the antethesis of being born. Everyone is born everyone dies. You enter and you must exit. You’re going to die. It’s guaranteed. Deal with it.
I felt like I was in the crowd of an infomercial being shot only there weren’t any cameras. There was this call and response thing throughout the whole service that went
Pastor: Today is Easter Sunday.
Church: Tomorrow is Monday.
No kidding.
Ok, so I’m really not into the speaking in unison thing either. It’s just creepy to me, a bunch of people saying the same thing at the same time. I usually don’t participate in that. I’m not going to sit there and read off a thing that says I’ve come here for these reasons and I feel this way with everyone else in my church who may or may not feel that way because I usually don’t. If I do I’ll say it. I’m not there to seek forgiveness. If I felt like I needed to hang out with God I could probably do it on my own time. I’m there because it makes my mom happy to see me there. I don’t think that church has much to do with God. At least for me.
I’m not very good at being friendly either. I think I’m nice, but not friendly. I’m really bad at talking to people I don’t know that well. I’m not even that good at talking to people I do know very well, I just lack social skills. I can deal with that, but it makes church uncomfortable.
Finally, there was this song called Every Day is Easter and if I could find it online I would. It sounded like a freaking Partridge Family song. It was hilarious.
Happy easter.

Do you ever feel like you’re becoming played out?
Sometimes I feel like everything I’m doing, from what I’m wearing to what I’m making to what I’m thinking to what I’m feeling to this fucking website is being done by 10 million other kids who mostly suck and it’s getting really cliche. It’s not a good feeling.
This feeling brought to you partially by this website. Assholes. And Vagrant brats accross america.

I’m not trying to expand anyones musical horizons or anything, I’m just bored.
Some albums that are so good you might become a better person just by listening to them:
The Pixies - Doolittle
The Beatles - Abbey Road
The Replacements - Let it Be
The Velvet Underground - Loaded
Kraftwerk - Die Mensch-Maschine
Weezer - Pinkerton
Some albums that I’ve been listening to a lot lately and recommend highly:
The Shins - Oh, Inverted World
Drive Like Jehu - Drive Like Jehu
Mogwai - Rock Action
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead - Source Tags & Codes
Mates of State - My Solo Project
Albums that make me wish I still had my Cadillac:
Snoop Doggy Dogg - Doggystyle
Dr. Dre - The Chronic
Wu-Tang Clan - 36 Chambers
2Pac - All Eyez on Me
Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die
Emo albums that aren’t at all cliche and really fucking rock so don’t not listen to them just because they’re emo:
Death Cab For Cutie - The Photo Album
Appleseed Cast - Mare Vitalis
Texas is the Reason - Do You Know Who You Are?
Braid - The Age of Octeen
Bands who are too contemporary to be legendary but should go down as being great and remembered when in the future you think back on now and recent history:
Belle and Sebastian
Elliott Smith
Aphex Twin
Built to Spill
Radiohead
Albums I don’t have that I need to get soon:
The Replacements - Tim
Big Black - Songs About Fucking
Albums that make me laugh (Because they’re funny):
Michael Jackson - Off the Wall
MC Paul Barman - It’s Very Stimulating
Bruce Lee Band - Bruce Lee Band
Del the Funkee Homosapian - Both Sides of the Brain
Otherwise unmentioned bands whose albums I want all of:
Ben Folds Five
Nirvana
Smashing Pumpkins
Beastie Boys

So we asked my coworker and friend Clint if he wanted to live with us next year. He’s a nice guy, easy to get along with, plays dodgeball and generally seems like he’d fit in with us. We have an extra spot.
His roommate now is an asshole. See this. I kind of want to let Clint sleep on my couch now. I thought the kid was kind of a dick before, or at least I understand why he doesn’t like dodgeball (he broke his finger playing, haha) but I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so egotistical and jealous in my entire life. Not only that but the kid even bothered to post it on the internet on a website that Clint made. It speaks for itself. Plus he takes some shots at me and my friends so that’s not cool either.
I was going to post hilarious quotes but I ended up selecting the whole thing, and well you can read it.
Karma rules.

Max Payne is an excellent video game. I’ve been playing it for two days straight. Shooting up slums, nightmares, bad drug trips, conspiracy theories and beating the fuck out of junkies with led pipes are just SOME of what’s in store if you play it.

You know the smell of putting your fingers on model train tracks to feel the electricity shoot up your arm, but not so much electricity that it hurts, in fact it sort of feels good, the current running to your shoulder and sometimes even into your chest. That’s what the el tracks smelled like today. My initial thought was that somebody had fallen onto the tracks and been electrocuted, some of the electricity had gotten loose and into the air, but then I decided that that would smell more like burning flesh and there would probably be paramedics running around and trying to save some dead guy if that were the case. I’m not even sure that if someone stepped on the third rail that they would die. If that were the case, wouldn’t you hear about people dying from touching the third rail all the time? I never have, although they always say to stay away from it. I don’t think I would mind dying of electrocution, it’s drowning that really scares me. Like if a wire fell on me or I got struck by lightning (because I’m not about to test whether or not the third rail really can kill you) at least it would be sort of impressive. A freak accident. Electricity is power, drowning is struggling to live, realizing you’re going to die and giving up and breathing in the water. By the dictionary definition of drowning I have actually drowned once, I jumped off a summer high dive and every time I tried to surface another boy pushed my head back down before I did. I thrashed and lived and before I could breath in again I had to cough out water from my lungs. But there was a moment where I thought if I don’t do something differently I’m going to die here in this deep end. That would have been better than other situations I can think of, old and waiting to die, suffocating on your own body, dying slowly because you don’t care to cough out what’s blocking your breath. I’ve never been close to anyone who died who wasn’t expected to die. I wonder what the statistical odds for that are. I also wonder if there’s someone I’m forgetting about. I’ve been to funerals of people but besides my grandpa I never really had talked to them. My cousin killed himself, but I hadn’t ever met him. His name escapes me. I was sad for his brother and my aunt and uncle but it was a long time ago and I don’t really think about it when I see them.
Riding the train I get the feeling that nobody really cares about each other. At least in cities you have the sense that there are other people though, in the suburbs it’s every home for itself. You see other faces in other cars and windows but you don’t have to look at them for long. If you’re sitting next to someone on the train, you know that they are real. I want to hitchhike. I want to talk to strangers. Maybe I’ll talk to the wrong stranger or hitch a ride from the wrong truck get murdered but I think that would be better than not making eye contact for another 20 years. Living is dangerous. I can deal with that. We’re all dying anyway. Not living is more dangerous.
The electricity in the air made the hair on my legs stand up.

Yes, four hours in front of a computer, no one has showed up at the lab yet and I’m starting to get sick from being in a windowless room for too long. Reading.

tick.. tick.. tick..
I can probably get all the way through On the Road today.
Best use of $160 for 3 minutes ever.
While I don’t see it “waking anybody up” Slumber, Inc. is doing some cool stuff along the lines of Obey Giant.
More old school catalogs at It Came From the 1971 Sears Catalog! Not quite as nicely designed site as the JC Penney from 1980 but amazing nonetheless.
Check out these commercials. And yes they are airing in Europe.
Funny ebay stuff:
Who the fuck would want candid photos you took of John Favreau? I feel bad for the guy just knowing this shit is being sold. He doesn’t look all that happy in the pictures either. Being famous must suck.
Isiah Thomas’ used towel. Hurray. I’d like to buy that.

The Minibosses are possibly the greatest band ever. Listen to them. Now.
Speaking of music, Hot Snakes, Detachment Kit and Dan Sartain provided a good evening of rock and roll.
Speaking of rock and roll the Brown Party is in effect, so we need to start writing songs. Must learn how to play something. And quick. Or not.

Spring break is chill. I’m relaxed, no assignments, no commitments, no parents, just chill.
I’m starting the new job tomorrow. I’m not too worried, I doubt too many faculty people will be down here this week so watching a faculty lab shouldn’t be too rough. For some reason I’m still a little nervous. It’s always strange for me to get up in the morning and not put on a pair of dirty jeans. It just doesn’t feel comfortable not to. That needs to be a higher priority on what I want to do with my life list. I want to wear dirty jeans and raggedy sweaters to work. If I even have to go in to work. I need to start getting some more skillz and make this shit happen.